A year ago this week Scotty and I were vacationing in the Smokey mountains when we got a call that changed everything.
We had been hiking in the mountains that day and didn’t have cell service. Once we reached the bottom of the mountain I saw the amount of calls I had missed and in the pit of my stomach I knew something was wrong. We drove further out of the mountains until I had enough service to call my mom back. On the side of rushing traffic in the middle of the smokey mountains my mom told me that my sister Adriana had committed suicide the night before during her stay in Germany. I broke down crying in disbelief and Scotty and I just held each other and cried together in our car on the side of the road. I was in shock.
The next few days were a blur and I couldn’t believe what was happening was really real but I remember before we headed back looking out to the mountains and knowing that I had a long and painful road ahead but knowing that I was going to need to cling to the Lord all the more through this painful time.
This past year has been the hardest of my life and after also having lost my dad years before I was now left with just my mom and sister Bethany. The reality of this stung and the confusion that followed the months ahead left me in so much pain and I just didn’t understand.
But amidst the pain also came the growth.
This past year the Lord’s character has shown more brightly then it has ever before. There were two truths that I always clung to that helped me when I was more confused then ever. That through it all, my God is good and that He can be trusted. I cannot tell you the amount of times I had to remind myself of these truths.
This song came out of this and out of a time of deep walks through the wilderness. I wanted to put to words how I had seen God’s goodness in a time when nothing else made sense. That even through this painful time God was still worthy of my praise and more near to me then ever though I didn’t understand. Scotty and I wrote this song out of the tension between not understanding God’s plan but knowing that He remained trustworthy and good despite our changing circumstances. We sat down and had my bible and notebook opened with all the things the Lord has showed me this past year and just prayed that God would use what we had gone through and guide us so that we could put to words and music how we had seen his provision in a devastating time and so that it could serve as a comfort to others walking through hardships. He was faithful (as always) and all the words are His through us!
My prayer is that this song can serve as an encouragement to anyone that might be hurting or going through a tragedy. To anyone that may be doubting God’s nearness in a time of hardship. That this song would serve as an invitation to worship the Lord admits the struggle of life. Guys, our God is SO good and loving and faithful and He can be trusted! His plan is the very best even when we don’t understand. He is our hope secure!
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