When There is Mourning in Your Merry | Dealing with Grief During Christmas

Sadly I know the sting of loss during Christmas far too well.

I was born and raised in Venezuela because my parents were missionaries there. Their Christmases were filled with beautiful latino culture that we loved! We had to move back to the States for a year to raise more support. During that time my sisters and I went through a ton of culture shock and change as our Christmases would now be in an American culture. Though this wasn’t the loss of a person we felt a loss of the sweet culture we were raised in and the loss of the only thing we had ever known.

A year later, when I was 13, my dad passed away very suddenly and unexpectedly. The rest of our growing up was filled with Christmases without a father and the sting that we could never return to Venezuela again.

My senior year of high school my grandpa passed away very suddenly over a spring break trip I was on with my sister Bethany and my mom to visit my other sister Adriana in Mexico. This sudden loss left for a lot of confusion and struggle to just get home. Sadly, we didn’t make it in time to say our last goodbyes.

And this fall, my most recent mourning, my sister Adriana (23 years old) took her own life so I am left once again to figure out how to celebrate and be merry during a deep time of mourning.

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This morning I woke up and Scotty went to work as usual and I spent a little more time cuddling with my dog before forcing myself out of bed. It’s Christmas Eve but it feels no different than any other day. In fact it hardly feels like Christmas at all. Is it really already tomorrow? I walked into my office to answer e-mails, edit photos, and just go about my normal work day.

A deep sadness covered over me and I felt unable to really care about anything. It just didn’t feel the way I thought Christmas Eve should feel like. Then right through my tears and in the middle of my sadness I got a ding for a new e-mail notification. It was from my mom sharing the devotional she gets every morning. At first I cared nothing about what was written but then my eyes brushed over the title of the article. “When There is Mourning in your Merry”. I found myself not being able to stop reading it and by the end my eyes were filled with tears but a deep joy washed over me.

I was still sad. It still didn’t feel like Christmas but a new hope crept into my heart and reminded me that yes even though I once again was filled with mourning this Christmas and that even when there is mourning while still being surrounded by the merriment of the season there is joy to be found. The article reminded me when we keep going, looking to Jesus, our mourning can turn into merriment.

Today I feel the mourning, this Christmas I will feel mourning, and for years to come I know I will still feel the mourning but I have discovered an opportunity to find the merry. You may not feel like God is good this Christmas but He is. You may not feel like He is worthy to be praised this Christmas but He is. You may not understand His plan this Christmas but I promise you He has the best possible plan for you and is working all things for your good.

Not only did Jesus humble himself to come down to suffer and die in our place so that we might be saved but he is also coming back again to make everything right again! Things won’t always be this way!  What hope and joy is found in him!

So this Christmas choose to walk in it. It’s okay if it’s hard, it’s okay if your day is filled with tears, it’s okay if the feeling is still not there for you but know this Christmas that we have a deep hope in Christ and that gives all the reason to be merry.

Psalm 34:8 “The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”

Romans 8:18 “For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.”

Corinthians 4:16-18 “Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.  For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”

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This is an excerpt from the article “When There is Mourning in Your Merry” by Chrystal Evans Hurst

“I wonder if you’re grieving because someone you love is not here this year. I wonder if you’re sad because you feel alone, or life isn’t quite where you’d like it to be.

Sometimes, there is mourning in the midst of the merry.

And I don’t have an answer. I don’t have anything monumental to say to get rid of the heart-hurts you might have today.

But I do know that if we keep going, mourning can TURN into merry.

You will not always be in this place. You will not always feel the same intensity of hurt, pain or sadness. You will not always feel lonely.

Sometimes there is mourning. But the merry is still happening.

Walk through the mourning. Don’t deny it. Be honest about the pain or ache that you feel. But don’t miss the merry.

 I felt the mourning, but I discovered an opportunity to find the merry.”

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This is an excerpt from the article I read today from Proverbs 31 Ministries. It was written by Chrystal Evans Hurst. I encourage you if you are feeling a sense of loss this Christmas to give her whole article a read. You can do so here. 

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  1. April M. says:

    Wonderful article, Natalie. Thank you for your honesty in sharing what you’re going through with such a beautiful perspective. (And great photos, as usual!)

  2. Lynn Hoyt says:

    Unlike you, I have very little exposure to grief, but the one I felt most deeply was the death of our so-in-law. He was a Marine through and through, and when he was honorably discharged, he returned to his home and family. He thought he was getting back into the routine of civilian life. After attending mass one Sunday morning, he found that his wife and his two children had loaded about half of his belongings in a truck and had disappeared. His attempts at reconciliation rebuffed, he was left with a broken heart and facing foreclosure on his house. Philip and Elizabeth, my oldest son and youngest daughter, worked in the same company where he did, and they immediately saw that he was abrokenhearted and defeated man, so Philip invited him to move in with him and his wife, provided he would attend church regularly with them on Sundays. Meanwhile, he ate many meals and spent time at our home. Elizebeth was in the same work team as he, and they rode to work together. About six months after this began, we were in Romans 5, and the discussion of being a Christian came up. Mike understood, and rcognized that he was not a Christian. Right then and there, in the presence of God and Elizabeth, he confessed his need of a Savior. This was in the year 2000. By this time his wife had divorced him and made it impossible to see his children, whom he loved dearly. In May of 2002, after much heartsearching on my part I had given my permission to him to seek my daughter’s hand in marriage. Mike grew in the time they were marriage, and I learned to understand his strengths and weaknesses. After eight years, we got a call from Elizabeth telling us that Mike had died that morning. Our mourning as a family was not shown visibly, but we all felt it. The joy that we have now is that our widowed daughter has grown much in the five years since then, and we can truly say that his death has raised questions in his siblings and his nephew and niece. We still continue to pray daily for them, trusting that God will draw them into His family.